random audio edits

I want to turn, turn the music down It's too darn loud I shouldn't sing cause I'm not that great

So I was at a gas station, right, it was Sunoco in Middletown, Pennsylvania, and I tried to, um, I tried to, um, get something, right, I tried to get myself a nice, uh, slushie, right, I asked the diver on the counter, yo, bro, do you take Apple Pay? He says no, he says no, but then I scanned it with my watch and say, and it says yes, and my cousin, who's also named Alan, but with a Y, said, looks like I am a racist cousin, also, now I have a t-shirt that says I'm blind on the front, do you take Apple Pay on the back, it's bright red, and I had to go to the store for, like, 15 minutes, and all I could hear was, come to Chili's IK, come to Chili's Candy Factory, the candy factory, come to the Chili, so, yeah, and so, I, he, he, I also, um, I accidentally almost died at a wave, all right, I'm scared of waveballs now, uh, so, I got sucked behind a rope that I didn't know was there, and then they stopped the whole thing, but I couldn't fight the current from the machine, so, I had to stop the machine, and the mic can't count, sir, the time, who was, I was at a camp, oh, yo, to that water park one day, and shoots, like, Alan, come this way, I'm, like, excuse me, Kayla, I can't fight the current, so, then the life bar just sticks this plastic shit under my arm, and starts dragging me around, and now I'm scared of waveballs, so, that's all I have to say. right now, I'm too lazy to make anything else, so, enjoy the fucking stories.

Transcription by ESO. Translation by —